the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
