I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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