My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
