Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
