the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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