He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's shark week go big or go home
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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