my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
