this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
