Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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