He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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