She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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