You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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