new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
