Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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