right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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