I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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