There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
