Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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