i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
