I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
