we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize