Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
