Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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