wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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