He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
