I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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