dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
