You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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