Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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