If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
