Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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