someone threw a dead crab at me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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