Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
