i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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