well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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