I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
