I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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