your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
