so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
