I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
