ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
