I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
