yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
