i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
