Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
