super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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