I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
