Moan for me like Helen Keller
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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