I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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