Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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