Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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