Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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