Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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