I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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