I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize