he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
