I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
only if we run a train.
done.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
