spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
