your room smells of hookers.
And success
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
