If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
