I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
